There’s something that’s got me worried. Whose fault is it? Not that I’d want to point fingers, it’s just that I just would want to find the cause. Maybe.
I know I’ll eventually leave guys I’m close with in the almost-relationship kind of way for a girl. Maybe I’m anticipating a future guilt here, I’m not really sure. Whatever the case would be…would it be my fault that I’ll leave some scars?
In truth, I already had a preview of what it could be. There was this guy that I knew he was falling for me. We were both really affectionate with each other and wanted to be together. Except that even if I did try, the boundary of my emotions is right in front of me. I simply can’t fall for the guy. It’s not his fault, he’s cute, adorable, quite a catch, isn’t all about sex, pursuing tertiary education. If I had the capacity, I would have snagged him fully. Maybe even ran off to some country so we can get married. But I’m incapacitated.
The intimacy was satisfying for the both of us and I’ve already discussed with him this complication of mine. At first he said that it was fine and wanted to get the best of what we can have with the situation but he came to his better senses and told me that we’d better step back one step from each other. I understood completely.
We stayed friends, although the frequency of communication was lessened and the topics of conversations were less intimate. The transition phase was tough for the both of us. Even if it wasn’t a real relationship, I realized that the emotions I invested took deep root. And deep roots are hard to remove from the soil. I know I did cry a bit but everything’s okay now.
I guess my friend was wise to restrict things for the both of us, as he knew that we’d just hurt each other deeper.
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