Shaky Territory

What does it take to form a relationship?

This evening I went out with 3 of my blockmates, 2 girls and a guy. Both girls I liked one way or another during our early terms in college while the guy is a close friend. Actually, they're all close to me but none of them know of my sexuality. The topic just hasn't been brought up yet for us to discuss. I’m sure it doesn’t matter to them anyway. Let’s name them G1, G2, B1. So it’s like this, I had some past with both G1 and G2 plus G2 and B1 had some sort of something. Just some added knowledge to you guys because I won’t really discuss that complication.

Anyway, on our way home, one of my friends that I met through chat called me from someone's cell. I’ve been feeling some attraction with this guy for quite a bit now. (Now let’s call him B2.) We met recently and I he also had feelings for me as he allowed me to hold his hand and some other physical contacts. I won’t deny it; I liked the feeling of holding him. If it weren’t for the people in the mall, I would have hugged him so tight.

So B2 called while I was in a car with G2. Instantly, G2 was curious of who I was talking with and insisted to know after a few minutes. I gamely joked that he was my boyfriend and she didn’t accept it as truth. It was the reaction that I expected her to have, as I was deeply discreet of my being bi-straight. And it was true; G2 isn’t my boyfriend as I’m incapable of having one, remember? But there was a thing going on between us.

I’ve already discussed my complication with G2 but I continue to express how I feel about him. I care for him. I miss holding his hand. I’d like him to be happy. But maybe I’m giving him the wrong signals, as I know it couldn’t be us.

I haven’t been there but it made me think, are we already having a relationship? But then, we’ve never talked about it seriously. I haven’t been constantly reminding him of my bisexuality though. I remember that G2’s reaction to it was like it doesn’t matter and he continued to pursue me as a friend at least.

The attraction is there, the commitment is blurred and still my conviction about not having a relationship with another guy stands. And yes, it is being shaken. Shaken but still it stands.