Trouble

OK, so the day I decide to turn straight is the day I say "I love you" to another guy.

It was right after I indulged in a Spanish chocolate drink with some pistachio syrup. This guy I like called and was, in my opinion, in need of some sweet talk. Kailangan ng may nanlalambing. I was there, enjoying the talk when it came to a point that he wanted me to reciprocate his words. And so I did and he wanted a bit more.

It's not that I didn't mean saying that I love him. I do. But the thing is, I say it even to my close friends. And because of honesty, I think he's expecting much from me. I don't want to hurt him. But I also don't want to hurt him. I'd like to be friends with him, maybe with a bit of benefits. And he does need to know that I can't commit to him.

The time's too awkward to remind him of this. The first time I told him, he just said that he didn't care about it and just wanted to see where things will take us. And things have come to this. It's a big chance that we're looking at the same thing too differently. And there's a big chance that one of us would get hurt.

Sometimes I wish I was bi. But then again, I don't wish for other things. Wishing is too easy and I'd rather confront what I have in front of me.